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Passions & Goals

Blog 2: Primary Interest and Goals


Accountability, Family, Respect, Optimism, Sincerity, Determination, Courage, Compassion, Empathy, Discipline, Kindness, Honesty, Integrity, Loyalty, Reliability, Spirituality

Before today I never looked at creativity and expression as values, but rather more like personal goals. When I saw this on the list of values my instructor in my Design Thesis course had me contemplating over, I thought, do I have things mixed up?

Creativity is an expression for me. My values are rooted deep and yes, I have been creative ever since I was a child, but when I think of values I think of things like honor, kindness, and honesty. In fact, I looked past all these other things I really love, like adventure, and I was drawn to these top 5: Accountability, Respect, Sincerity, Compassion, and integrity.

I played around with these ideas in my head for awhile because the stem of my very being is sustained by my spirituality and my deep faith in God. I’ve come through a lot of things in my life that showed me a darkness in some people. That’s not the way I was raised. Overall, I just believe in being a good person, being honest and doing your best to be kind and treat people with respect. So, where do my top 5 seem to come from?

4: Accountability is a striking thing isn’t it? Well, it is for any sociopath, or psychotic. What the hell is wrong with people that can’t seem to ever take responsibility for their actions? I realize most growth comes from taking this action no matter the consequence.

How would I rate myself on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being “yeah, I’m great at this”? I would say I’m at a steady 4. I could never be so confident and say I do this all the time. In fact, I would rate all 5 of my top values the same. I say this because I live in worry all the time. Worry of doing the right thing, making the right choices, saying the right things, and it all stems from the way I was raised, the incredible series of unfortunate events with unfortunate people for so many years, and then fighting my way by to the surface and freeing myself from these people and these burdens. Yes, I strive for a 5 but live close to “not perfect”.

4: Respect is important, you learn it from day one when Mom and Dad demand it. This is important and honestly, I really believe it’s like killing with kindness. You don’t have to be a shitty person because somebody else is. The discipline and the pure practice of being kind and respectful, will not only get you farther in life, but it will get you around better people. Don’t get stuck with vampires for friends, or clients, or bosses. Build a community you can thrive in and help others do the same.

4: Sincerity is simple if you are a person who tries to have empathy for others. Whenever you put others first, before yourself, you will find the things you do for others are coming from a place that takes sacrifice. The more you value other people and realize they are people too, your deeds that come across will be good. How do you practice sincerity? Well, try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes for a minute, and then try to use my next core value of compassion to relate to others.

5: Compassion is from the heart. I don’t understand how people become so rigged and cold. I’ve suffered some serious pain, and grief, and I still find compassion for others for even the simplest things. I do have to admit, I have a tough time in certain areas with this because of some of the trauma that still haunts me. What I really don’t understand though is how some people don’t seem to have compassion, and I don’t want to speculate why, but I assume there was a lack of this for them growing up. We are a product of our own environment, and some people get away from this and grow, but others can’t escape it.

4: Integrity is about character isn’t it? Don’t we all set ourselves up for success or not? I believe you do the right thing. You should “be the man of your word”. It’s important to “show up” when you say you will. The older I get the more consistent I try to be. The more reliable I want to become, and because of this motivation to “just be” a good person, well, good comes to good. Positive attracts positive, just in the same way negative can attract negative. Be a person people can look to and say, that’s a good person. You can trust them, they are loyal, and honest.

So why does Compassion score a 5? I think sometimes I care so much it causes me a great deal of stress. I worry, I overthink, and I become vulnerable to people and I get taken advantage of. Well, I use to get taken advantage of all the time, and maybe still a little, but as I’ve grown, I find I’m putting up with less and less of people’s shit. Excuse my bold choice of words, I am very much indeed a lady. I guess you can see I am stronger these days.

Every day I try to make choices that will help me let go of dead weight. I process things differently than most people I know. I know the more I contribute to my own happiness by dismissing negativity, by being optimistic and willing, by gravitating toward creative people and finding ways to express myself, I continue to grow.

If I had to choose the 2 most important values that will impact by success, they would be accountability and compassion. With these two working together, I become empathetic to understanding other’s needs, and I understand where I need to make changes in my own life choices, and in my approach as a critical, creative thinker. Sometimes I feel sensitive or under attack, but this way of thinking lends to undue stress and overthinking. Compassion brings me back to balance. I have to remember I am human just like everyone else. I think of the things that give my life purpose, and I remember how fortunate I really am to get to do creative things as a professional. All this brings me back to balance. Without balance in my life, without family time, and work time, I will crumble. Without a minute for myself, I will crumble. This pandemic here has truly put me to the test.

This feels strange but I really believe the stars align and things always work out for a reason. It just so happens this time in my life I am desperately needing strength, time, energy and focus. I need to create a boundary in my life which will allow me to restore balance. I believe my vulnerability, accessibility, and my flexibility often stretches me to the max, especially in a family with 3 kids and a near-to-husband working 12 hour shifts 4,5,6 days in a row. Thanks to Covid, I’ve been faced with some of the biggest challenges as a Senior in my undergraduate program, I’m teaching online for 3 colleges right now, and I’m running a business which has been put to the side since this all started to support my kids at home and in remote learning. I must restore balance to continue. I will use Senior year to set some boundaries, to write and think, and do things for myself more than usual. Of course, I will always be Mom first, but even right now in this moment, I’m getting this out to see it in a new light. I couldn’t tell you the last time I wrote anything for myself. This is a real goal of mine.

Speaking of goals, when I read the value list I had to stop and consider that some of those really connected with me differently. Creativity is an absolute goal of mine. It’s a necessity and something I strive for to express myself. Adventure is something I strive for as well because it makes a person grow!

If money wasn’t an issue, I would travel the world with the people I love, filming our greatest adventures, eating the best food, and seeing the most beautiful places. I would honestly take it one day at a time. I will always pursue my creativity, so I would probably eventually want to open a production studio and buy all the greatest tech I could possibly think of. I would still love to teach, but in a crazy interactive way, using all the best gear and programs. I just want to have some adventure, a few minutes to chill without worry or stress.

I love being around creative thinkers, and people with ambition. I love being around people who inspire me. I feel like teaching gives me the opportunity to grow every time I meet a new student.

I’ve been tired of the news, to the point where I really feel like if I wasn’t worried, I’m going to wake up and we will be at war, I would not bother watching at all. What happened to the good old days when breaking news was really important and not so “normal”. What happened to good stories in the community, messages of hope, and the weather! That’s not even worth watching anymore.

The most important thing to me while in pursuit of my degree has been finding a happy medium and spending time with my family. This has been hard to balance because of the high demands at the moment, but I’m really trying to make this happen more than anything. I just want to teach, and learn, and make cool stuff all the time. When I lost my brother 3 years ago, his last words were to slow down and smell the roses. He knows I work like a crazy person, and his message to me has been working itself into the front of my mind every day. He’s right. As much as I obsess about doing something that makes me happy for a living, my kids are growing fast, and there’s nothing more important to me than family.

Family has been the cornerstone, behind me all the way. My parents have always been supportive and excited especially knowing where I came from. My brothers always cheer me on, sisters too. My kids are my biggest fans and they are so darn curious in the work I do. They all want to come to work and school with me.

I fuel my passion knowing I am so very blessed to be involved in an industry that’s so colorful and vibrant, exciting and forever changing. I love that I’m kept on my toes, with my feet to the fire. There’s always so much to learn. I love learning and hope to always be immersed into creative environments and communities that love to live a life by design.

I feel like teaching gives me a sense of purpose. I get to help other brilliant artists find their way. I get to see it all unfold. That inspires me to help people dig a little deeper, and not be afraid. In turn I am speaking and leading myself down this path. I only hope I can find a way to launch a creative lab, or an educational production studio. I want to keep teaching, but I want to do things in a creative space, with creative people.

I’ve made big moves over the last 5 years or so. This past year has added 2 new college and suddenly online teaching to my resume. I’m right where I want to be with a foot planted in the door of 3 institutions. I don’t always see myself being spread so thin. Ultimately, I would love to get a full-time position teaching, and designing experiential learning opportunities and always looking to do something better and bigger. I want to find a home to take me in and allow me to put all my eggs into one basket. I know if I get there, I will do big things I’m sure. I feel confident because I want this more than anything, and I believe I’ve been on the right path, I just don’t know where my feet will plant. I have to believe it will be right for me when it happens. After all the things in my life, I already know at this point and time, I’m right on the path I need to be on.

I finally found something that feels right, and feels good. I’m super passionate so I know I can give teaching the love that’s required. My short-term goals are to lessen the distractions, weed out the B.S.., find a way to have me time, and restore balance in my life.

A midterm goal is to establish a good reputation for teaching. I want to work hard to re-imagine my classes and I want to get to a point where I use multimedia to make my classes awesome. I already know I want to teach, coach, mentor, facilitate. I want to support the success of my students and become a part of a super talented design family.



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